New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
