He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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