Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
