seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
