my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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