peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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