Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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