Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
