You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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