I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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