Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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