YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Randomize
