They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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