I cannot find my penis.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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