I love black thongs
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
