I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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