I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
