I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
