So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
