I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Girls should come with a carfax report
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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