I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
