I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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