This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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