I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
