My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
