ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
