he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
