I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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