dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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