We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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