It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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