my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
