I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
