it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
