I met the friendliest cop last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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