My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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