I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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