Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
