before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
