I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
