Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
