is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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