I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
