Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
