I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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