my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
