I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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