Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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