I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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