Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
