You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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