We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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