The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
