i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
