yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Randomize
