He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
