I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
